Nice piece in Kantipur: आन्दोलनमा विचारहीनता

Though the Kantipur Daily did not entertain any comment on the much hyped Jhan Charitraheen Cheli's Declaration, it has published a commentary by a female writer in it's op-ed. (I just noticed it a couple of hours ago today when I woke up and opened the archive of Kantipur.)

It's "आन्दोलनमा विचारहीनता", Mamata Sharma Nepal.

In the article she disagrees with the JCCs in their modus operandi. Giving a brief account of "bad girls", she has argued how feminist movement should be carried out.

I salute this writer. If you want to read this you can click here.

Or you can read it here:

आन्दोलनमा विचारहीनता ममता शर्मा नेपाल फागुन १२ गते "झन् चरित्रहीन चेली"हरूको नया“ घोषणा प्रकाशित भयो । उनीहरूले ०६० फागुन २२ मा घोषणा भएको चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूको समूहबाट आफू अलग भएको बताए । चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूको चालीस बु“दे घोषणाालाई स्वीकार गर्दै १२ बु“दे आफ्ना माग अघि सारेका छन् । झन् चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूले पनि पुरानो समूहले झैं आफ्नो परिचय लुकाएका छन् । चरित्रहीन चेलीको चालीस बु“दे घोषणापत्रको विषयमा धेरै प्रतिक्रिया आएका थिए । त्यसले नेपालको नारीवादी क्षेत्रमा प्राज्ञिक विमर्शलाई पनि अभ्रि्रेरित गरेको थियो । तर झन् चरित्रहीन चेलीको १२ बु“दे घोषणापत्रबारे त्यति प्रतिक्रिया आएको पाइएन । तीन वर्षघि चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूले आफ्ना माग राख्दा नेपालको नारीवादी चिन्तनको क्ष्ँेत्रमा एउटैमात्र कुरा खट्किएको थियो- उनीहरूको भूमिगत विम्ब । यो विषयमा पछिसम्म पनि विवाद जारी रह्यो । उनीहरूले खुलेर आफ्नो उत्तरदायित्व कबुल गर्दै दृश्यमा आउनर्ुपर्छ भन्ने सुझाव र सदाशय चौतर्फी रूपबाट प्रकट भएको थियो । उनीहरूले ती सुझाव लिएनन् । फलस्वरूप त्यसले उनीहरूप्रति नकारात्मक दृष्टि बढायो । उनीहरूको आलोचनामा मानिसले कतिसम्म तल ओर्लिएर टिप्पणी गरे भने यो जमात आफ्नो समयको चुनौती खुलेर सामना गर्न चाह“दैन । समूह केही अल्लारे युवा महिलाको लहडमात्र हो । त्यसपछि उनीहरूले ल्याएको त्यो तरङ्ग क्रमशः शिथिल भएर गयो । अहिले ठीक यस्तै भएको छ । झन् चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूले अन्तर्रर्ााट्रय नारी वर्ष २००७ लाई आफ्ना मागहरू पूरा गर्नुपर्ने अन्तिम समयसीमा दिएका थिए । तर त्यो पर्व पनि आयो र गयो । उनीहरू संर्घष्ामा आएनन् र परिचय पनि खुलाएनन् । सायद उनीहरूले आफ्नो घोषणा बिर्सर्ेे उनीहरूबारे नारीवादी विमर्शमा चासो नराख्नुका पछाडि यही कारण रहेको हुनर्ुपर्छ । चरित्रहीन चेलीहरू नारीवादका विभिन्न धारमध्ये उग्रनारीवादी धारबाट प्रभावित भएको पाइन्छ । 'चरित्रहीन चेली' भन्ने शब्दावली अमेरिकाकी लेखक नाओमी उल्फले प्रयोग गरेको 'बैड गर्ल' को छाया अनुवादजस्तो देखिन्छ । नाओमी उल्फले आफ्नो पुस्तक "फायर विथ फायर"मा 'बैड गर्ल' शब्दको धेरै प्रयोग र व्याख्या गरेकी छन् । उल्फले झैं चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूले नेपालमा पनि लैङ्गकि भूकम्प -जेन्डर क्वेक) ल्याउने विचार गरेको देखिन्छ । अमेरिकामा सन् १९९१ मा कानुनकी प्रोफेसर अनिता हिलले यौन हिंसाविरुद्ध आवाज उठाएर एउटा भुइ“चालो नै ल्याइन् भन्ने उल्फको पुस्तकको सारांश हो । यसले विश्वलाई नै हल्लाएको थियो । त्यसबेला अमेरिका, क्यानाडा, अस्ट्रेलियाजस्ता मुलुकमा राजनीतिक क्षेत्रमा महिलाको प्रतिनिधित्व गर्न दबाबको काम गरेको थियो । संसारमा अहिलेसम्म जति पनि आन्दोलन भए, ती अनुहार लुकाएर वा भूमिगत रहेर भएका छैनन् । तर्सथ यस सर्न्दर्भमा चरित्रहीन चेली र झन् चरित्रहीन चेलीहरू को हुन् र किन अगाडि आउ“दैनन् - भन्ने प्रश्न उठिरहन्छ । उनीहरू महिला नै हुन् वा पुरुषले महिलावादी आन्दोलनलाई खिल्ली उडाउने हिसाबले ठट्टाको शैली रोजेका हुन् - स्पष्ट छैन । हुन त यसमा सत्यता नहुन सक्ला, तर उनीहरूले आफ्नो अनुहार लुकाएकोले यस्ता प्रश्नहरूले वैधता पाउने सम्भावना देखिएको छ । झन् चरित्रहीन चेलीको घोषणा र अनुत्तरदायी शैलीले नेपाली नारीवादी आन्दोलनमा निहित विचारहीनतालाई झल्काउ“छ । यो कुरा महिला आन्दोलनको अन्य फा“टमा पनि उत्तिकै सत्य देखिन्छ । यहा“ एकातिर नारीवादीहरूमा आफ्ना मागप्रति वारिस नहुने प्रवृत्ति छ भने अर्कातिर एनजीओहरूले आविष्कार गरेर आंशिक माग र शब्दावलीलाई सुगाले रटेजस्तो रटेर हि“ड्ने प्रवृत्ति हावी छ । एनजीओ सम्भ्रान्त, मध्यमवर्ग र सहरी बुद्धिजीवीहरूको कब्जामा सीमित छन् । बा“की सहरी गरिब र गाउ“मा रहेको ठूलो संख्यालाई मुक्तिको विषयमा केही पनि थाहा छैन । नेपाली नारीवादी आन्दोलनको इतिहास त्यति लामो छैन । यहा“ जति पनि आन्दोलनका झिल्का छन्, तिनमा पश्चिमको उदार नारीवादको बढी प्रभाव छ । उदारवादी नारीवाद पश्चिमा नारीवादी सिद्धान्तहरूको विभिन्न धारा-उपधारा मध्येको पहिलो धार हो । अठारौं शताब्दीमा ज्ञान प्रसार आन्दोलन र पु“जीवादको सुरुवातस“गस“गै त्यतिबेलाका नेता तथा सिद्धान्तकारले मान्छेको अधिकारको कुरा उठाउ“दा त्यहा“ नारीको स्थान थिएन । नारीलाई बौद्धिक र शारीरिक दुवै रूपले अक्षम मानिन्थ्यो । उनीहरूलाई भावनात्मक भूमिकाका लागिमात्र उपयुक्त मानिएको थियो । यस्तो भन्नेहरू वाल्टेयर, दिदेरो, मन्टेस्क्यु र खासगरी रूसो थिए । यिनीहरूको विचारप्रति कडा प्रहार गर्दै सन् १७९२ मा बेलायती मेरी वाल्स्टनक्राफ्टले 'विन्डीकेसन अफ दि राइट्स अफ वुमेन' -महिला अधिकारको औचित्य) भन्ने पुस्तक लेखेर नारीवादी विचारधाराको सूत्रपात गरेकी थिइन् । यसरी पश्चिमा नारीवादको इतिहासलाई पल्टाउ“दा उदारवादी नारीवाददेखि समाजवादी र मार्क्सवादी नारीवाद, उग्रनारीवाद हु“दै उत्तर-आधुनिक नारीवादसम्म आएर अडिन्छ । उन्ााइसौं शताब्दीको मध्यतिर मार्क्सवादी चिन्तनको उदयस“गै मार्क्सवादी नारीवादको पनि सुरुवात भएको थियो । मार्क्सवादले वर्गसंर्घष्ालाई महत्त्व दिए पनि महिला अधिकार र आन्दोलनको विषयलाई पनि ध्यानपर्ूवक हेरेको पाइन्छ । अझ खासगरी एंगेल्सले लेखेको पुस्तक "परिवार, निजी सम्पत्ति र राज्यको उत्पत्ति" ले नारीवादी विमर्शलाई उचाइमा पुर्‍याएको थियो । त्यस पुस्तकको निष्कर्षा उनले भनेका छन्, "विवाहमा पुरुषको श्रेष्ठता उसको आर्थिक श्रेष्ठताको सीधा परिणाम हो । आर्थिक श्रेष्ठता समाप्त हु“दा वैवाहिक जीवनमा पुरुषको श्रेष्ठता पनि समाप्त हुन्छ ।" त्यसैले उनले पुरानो परिवार र विवाहको कुरालाई नया“ ढंगले परिभाषित र पुनःसंरचित गर्नुपर्छ भनेका छन् । बीसौं शताब्दीको ६० को दशकपछि उग्रनारीवादी धाराको जन्म भएको थियो । प|mान्सिसी लेखिका सिमोन द बोउवारको पुस्तक 'द सेकेन्ड सेक्स' निकै चर्चित भयो । यो धाराको खास विशेषता हो- घरभित्र नै नारीहरूको सबै सुख छ भन्ने परम्परागत मान्यता तोड्नु, महिलाको प्रजननमा अधिकार, बच्चा जन्म्ााउने तथा बच्चा हर्ुकाउने मानिसको रूपमा नारीलाई हर्ेर्दै पुरुषले गर्ने नियन्त्रण हटाउने आदि । नारीवादको यो उग्रधाराका पक्षधरले महिलाहरू पिछडिनुको पछाडि प्रमुख कारणको रूपमा पुरुषलाई नै दोष दिएका छन् । यसैगरी नारीवादको अर्को उपधारा 'तेस्रो विश्व तथा अल्पसंख्यक जातीय नारीवाद'का रूपमा पनि देखापरेको छ । यसलाई समलिंगी नारीवादको रूपमा पनि लिइएको छ । यसले तेस्रो विश्वका देशहरूमा पश्चिमा नारीवादको प्रासंगिकता र थोपरिएको उदार नारीवादको उपयोगिता कति हुन्छ भन्ने प्रश्न उठाएको छ । नब्बेको दशकमा नारीवादको अर्को धारा पनि देखियो, उत्तर-आधुनिक नारीवाद । यस धाराले यथार्थको व्याख्याभन्दा मनोवैज्ञानिक विश्लेषण र छलफललाई महत्त्व दिएको छ । जसले नारीवादी सिद्धान्तको व्याख्या -विश्लेषण) र नारी स्थितिमा हुने परिवर्तनको सम्भावना कमजोर बनाएको देखिन्छ, नारीवादी चिन्तकहरू भन्छन् । यो धाराका विचारक डेरिडा, फुको, लसान आदि देखिएका छन् । पश्चिमा नारीवादलाई हर्ेदा त्यहा“ नारी मुक्तिको विषयमा धेरै विमर्श, तर्क-वितर्क भयो र एकअर्का धाराहरूको खण्डन र टिप्पणी भयो, जसले नारीवादी आन्दोलनलाई सशक्त बनाएको देखिन्छ । नेपालको पर्रि्रेक्ष्यमा नारीवादी आन्दोलनको आफ्नै गति र मौलिक परिचय छ । र्सवप्रथम योगमायाले नारी व्रि्रोहको सुरुवात गरेकी हुन् । राणाकालमा छोरीले पढ्न हु“दैन भन्ने मान्यता तोड्दै विभिन्न किताब पढेर राणा हुकुमको अवज्ञा गरेकी थिइन् उनले । ००४ सालमा मङ्गलादेवी सिंह 'नेपाल महिला संघ' गठन गर्दै अघि बढिन् । ००७ सालको क्रान्तिमा थुप्रै महिलाले भाग लिएको इतिहासबाट लुकेको छैन । सहाना, साधना प्रधान आदि केही उल्लेखनीय नाम हुन् । राणाशासनको पतनपश्चात् ६३ जना महिलाले तत्कालीन प्रधानमन्त्री मोहनशमशेरको दरबारमा गएर महिला मताधिकारनिम्ति लामो बहस गरेका थिए । पञ्चायतकाल इतिहासकै निरङ्कुश समय मानिन्छ । पञ्चायती सरकारले वर्गीय संगठनको रूपमा 'नेपाल महिला संगठन' को स्थापना गर्‍यो । साथै यसै अवधिमा सन् १९७५ लाई संयुक्त राष्ट्रसंघले अन्तर्रर्ााट्रय नारी वर्षघोषणा गरेपछि महिलाका लागि विभिन्न कार्यक्रम गर्न थालिए । ०४६ को जनआन्दोलनमा थुप्रै महिला सहभागी भए । त्यस आन्दोलनपछि नारी संगठनका विभिन्न ढोका खुलेका छन् । ०६२-६३ को जनआन्दोलनमा पनि महिला सहभागी भए । सेतु विक र तुलसी क्षत्रीले सहादत प्राप्त गरी मुक्ति आन्दोलनको इतिहासमा नाम लेखे । यति हु“दाहु“दै पनि नेपाली नारीवादी क्षेत्रमा दृष्टिहीनताको अभाव खट्किरहेको छ । कहा“सम्म पुग्ने भन्ने विषयमा अन्योल छ । यता आएर आमाको नामबाट सन्तानले नागरिकता पाउने, वैवाहिक बलात्कार अपराध मानिने, पैत्रिक सम्पत्तिमा छोरीको समान हक लगायतका सुधार भएका छन् । महिलामाथि विभेदको समूल अन्त्य हुनसकेको छैन । कार्यस्थलमा यौनहिंसा, घरमा हुने उत्पीडन यथावत छ । वास्तविक समस्या घरभित्रै छ । हाम्रो परिवारको संरचना पुरुष केन्द्रित छ । शक्ति भन्ने कुरा अर्थव्यवस्था र स्वामित्वमा निहित भएको हुन्छ । यी कुरा घरमूलीका रूपमा पुरुष हातमा हुन्छ ।

Riposte of a Beau of Good Moral Character towards the Declaration of "Jhan Charitrahin Chelis"

You juicy intellectuals ("Jhan Charitrahin Chelis/ चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूको नयाँ अवतार]") with shaven crotch as well as those with long pubic hair, who are running cloak-and-dagger activities! Ah! You the ones without phallus (Let me say it. Why to say you have vagina? You don’t have penis, this is a fact.)

Unlike you I am not a hardliner. I am an individual, not a group. I won’t hide my identity. I am K sth C sth. By profession, I am a little scribe. This much for now. Rest you find out yourselves.

You some among Pradhan, Sharma, Ranjit, Thapa…. I don’t know more names because my belle, a journalist who met you sometime at past in some place—for sure, not a seedy bar as you have claimed when you had not declined to Jhan Charitrahin—denied to tell me the names. Look how ethical and charitrawan she is!

I am not a lawyer. I am not an author. I don’t have long and strong journalistic background and I don’t work for INGOs. I am not a painter either…

Also, I am not a sexist. Not a masculinist by any chance. Sorry if I sound so. I am a beau with very good moral characters. . I don’t drink everything and I don’t smoke everything. Why do you count those meagre puffs of black and green? "Brown sugar" sounds kind of sugar, I only sniff it sometimes. More than that even at the age of 36, I have not experienced penetration. (Forget about those foreplays that never led to intercourse. Don’t count those eve-teasing, and forget about those molestations. You should not take into account those fondlings and smoochings.)

Neither have I any agenda, nor do I declare Nepali men autonomous either. We are synchronous chelis. I know, though most of us are chauvinist, we men need you women. And you women need us men. For pride and to ride. For being taken care of and to take birth from. To make love and to be loved. You should be proud of us. You are moms and you are mates.

Men is an evolved version of women. You take example of deer with horn, and doe without. Similarly, we men have penis and you do not. You have slit. Testes and ovaries are analogous however.

Apropos to your 12-point declarations ( चरित्रहीन चेलीहरूको नयाँ अवतार]), I have 36 things to say.

1. Yes, let’s make love, not regression. Okay, sex boycott is over now. So shall we change the traditional posture of love-making? Let’s say eff off to Vatsyayana and his Kamasutra, and let’s try something different to not to stick to regression.

2. Vision 36/36: Hey! Penises are great things to be in the Parliament. P and P in P. You simply cannot prohibit those to enter the dark holes of the Vyawasthapika Sansad. Even if you try, the penises of different size, colour, texture, and expertise in the power-game--representing different ethnicities, cults, regions, doctrines and experiences-- will pierce the slit. So better be wise and come to a compromise before confrontation. You want sexual disunion, filles? How will nature carry on without union? May be you will resort to IVF. That old gynae/gaine Dr. Rijal? Has he bribed you?

(Note: If you think that I chose this digit because my age too is 36, it will be but a preconceived idea. It's a sheer coincidence that my deep and long calculations ended up with Vision 36/36.)

3. I have a solution. Look at this aphrodisiac number:36. No, we won’t stick to 33 per cent again. You will get three more per cent and men are ready to enjoy the same number game. The rest 28 goes to in-betweens. Not to gays and lesbians, by the way. Because they have either penises or vaginas. So they can be included in either your sex or ours. Inclusive democracy we will be practicing.

Okay, we can give some reservation to them from our quota. 3 of 33 of vagina quota to lesbians, and 3 of 33 of penis to gays.

4. Government bodies too will have same structure. Bust all around may be abuzz. You know, busts are worse at the time when you fart. And also when you put pad. (During periods.) You put on cotton plugs to absorb the leak, but it sucks.

5. Naturalise foreign jwains? Does Danny want to take Nepali citizenship then? Or you others got divorced, babies? So you want to ride a bideshi ghoda in swadeshi ground? Or will a trip to Switzerland suffice? Umm, may be You found out a black horse during your Fulbright term.

6. I have American Green Card. Do I fall under that category of Bideshi? I have been living in the US for six years. Shall I apply? But I won’t give up Nepalese citizenship. I am proud to be whatever I am and wherever I hail from. One idea, let’s date first. Trial ride also same time. Agree?

7. CV idea is not good. Okay I will submit one, albeit. But where? By the way, shall I mention my size in the CV. (Mine is comparable to that of an Arabic horse. That is my qualification. You will grasp it very soon.)

8. Forget grey coats. Pink is our colour. Recently I watched a pondy movie. Pink was all around. Let’s declare PINK national colour, not simrik.

9. Again if you want to talk about the grey coats. Let’s do it. Have you counted the number of the Maoist women who cashed in on the loss of their Comrade Penises? You should be traditional. That’s why you speaking against Grey coats? You want them to put white coats?

10. Why don’t you ask them to find new and virile MEMBER. Party command won’t be an obstacle, I believe. They are progressive.

11. Why do you ask them to speak their minds? I suggest them to speak their desire. Here can be the point of unleashing themselves from all uniformity. Sita and Prachanda. Hisila has Baburam. Many couples around. But those bebes do not have any. But I don’t know what they do in locked rooms and camps.

12. Hey, you old and worn-out bimbos! You forgot to talk about kamrednis in cantonment. Not only the grey coat but also the camouflage should be taken into consideration.

13. Again, what sort of suggestion is that “Get rid of grey coats.” Girls, how can they who are against the beauty pageants be topless?

14. You luscious intellectuals have no wisdom! They are not like you. They are real jans (people) and janapratinidhis (people’s representatives.) Be ready for jana-karbahi, Comrade Yami backforced by Pawanman and his Hanumans will raid your den very soon. By the way, they have very strong intelligence. They know where you meet and where you live.

15. Yes, whipping is for brutes. These men have a natural whip hanged on their groin.. So they whip. But if women defy the action, they have to resort to some unnatural means… Most of them will make their hand dirty. Some elites may take to some electrical devices. What if your lovers choose animals? Yuk!

16. You don’t need to sacrifice your rights. You can call for the up-side down position for men. Sorry for mentioning men’s position. You appeal for the reservation of women’s top posture. For sure, this feminist Parliament will unanimously pass your call. Then you first practice first with your paramours. Hey, never let them change the position. YOU JUMP on them always, they will pump from below.

17. New leadership for the New Nepal! But why that Jhankri bebe for the presidency? Sexy Sujata will kill you. She will ask for your resignation, chelis!

18.. Take Women’s council to every home. Make every woman member of it. Make a different party of women. Go to constituent assembly polls. You can start a separatist movement now. Open Mahila Forum. Call Nepal bandhs or city shutdowns. Don’t let vehicles to ply. Kill people. Create anarchy. Do everything your foreign masters ask you to.

19. Because of pervert parents craving for baby penis, our more than half population has no penis. Why not to take action against fathers? It’s their fault because their semen has high spermcount for more XX genes than XY. You can offer an amnesty to all those deprived of penis. Hey, you Pradhan bebe, sue all males for not having enough sperm with XY genes. You can take help of that old Mrs Advocate, who though talks about woman rights is second wife of Mr. Thapaliya. Hypocrisy is your trait!

20. Fill the Constituent Council with vaginas. With 100 per cent Cunt. But don’t forget to ask for free vibrator. 100 per cent bust? Bust everybody has, whatever be size. Cunt you aunties have, we do not.

21. No comment on Maina Sunuwar case. You can ask for hanging of the rapist. I am with you. No excuse to the perpetrators.

Hey, you forgot to urge OHCHR regarding action against those who raped and killed Namita-Sunita; an age ago though. You should be bold enough to speak against late Shah and alive Shahs. Are any of you related to them? Thapa bebe should be, if I am not wrong. You in the Mau-samuha or this this new gang?

22.. You can, by the way, advocate for rapes and molestations by women. You can train girls for seduction and rape. Train them to be paedophile.

23. One suggestion: You invite Manisha in your gang. Her former lover Mr. Ambassador is younger than this old Moriarty. Why not to take help of one of the former royal ministers. Dr. Thapa. To get into army barracks . He has connections with army. Why not to request that “handsome” Sujata? Her PM daddy also functioning as the Head of the State may help you. You bribe her first. If you all go to the barracks, I am sure you will satisfy those horny forces despite your age.

24. Sexiest man of Nepal Sunil Babu Pant? Yes, he is a man; once I saw his moustache. Since he wears trousers, public doesn’t know how big he is. Any of you have got a chance to measure out his size? What I have heard is he is “receiver” in his type of game. Phew! He cannot be taken for the sexiest man by any means.

How could you forget Prachanda the great? His sexy moustache! His appealing speeches. His charming voice. Overall, the unprecedented movement led by him and his principal principle: Progressive Opportunism! His bold diction! I love his “kram-bhanga” cliché and "byaigyanik” conundrum.

If you did not like Prachanda’s junga, there is “beautiful”, clean shaven, dashing Badal. You overlooked the appeal he has got. Even younger and sexier Prabhakar is in the Parliament, accompanied by the highest number of "busts" from his party. (40 per cent isn't it? Had it been 36, it would sound more romantic.)

25. You chelis are reactionaries! You are mandales. You did not vote for Prachanda. That old boy Baburam may be frustrating, but you forgot Badal and Prabhakar. How could you not remember that stylish NandaKishor Pun with unique psychic expression? You imagine how virile he could be.
Come the Maoists to the power, you will be tried for your conspiracy against them and your nexus with imperialist America. They will have strong proofs against you: One of yours Fulbright Scholarship background, one of yours affair with Canadian scribe working for BBC, one of yours blood relation to the royalties and Ranas…
Don't worry I won't tell them a thing. I swear.

26. Will donors retreat? They give, so they take. They give dollars and they take nice and best women. Simple principle: give and take. By the way, after earning a lot for yourselves why your gang wants kuires to back off? You jealous of young women? You worn-out of the game and you are old; that is why? Or you don’t want them to experience orgasm with foreigners? Not fair at all, old and worn out chelis!

27. “Their country needs them more than your country reports do.” Here is some truth. Donors, back off! You have made our women economically independent and ultramodern. That may be why they are practicing “Use and throw” dictum. Kuires if not other bideshis are their first choice. Nepali lognays have been secondary in selection these days.

28. One of my friends waited for his lover working in an INGO to marry. She exploited the Kathmanduite buddy. Took advantage of his connections and got a job in the INGO. They lived in a flat for some months. However, she abandoned him to live with a foreigner and for sure to enjoy a kuire animal.

29. Donors back off and citizenship to bideshi jwains? Now where do your demands meet? Isn’t there any controversy? Donors later may become jwains. They may need to run some NGOs to earn bread to feed their Nepali concubines.

30. Keep it up; Don’t give up! Keep it up; Don’t give up; Keep it up; Don’t give up! I urge (who?) that your demands never be taken seriously.

31. March 8? Will love to see another satirical twaddle again. Or another crap, shall I say? Take time and do some homework. By the way, why not on April 1?

32. Bimbos! I challenge: Though fast food is at your mates’ disposal, can you zip your blouse forever? Ah. You can, I just realised. You want to say “rub from outside” then. Right? You put lingerie without zipper!

33. “No joy till you capitulate.” Okay. Let’s see who will surrender first. Till then you use some electrical devices. One suggestion: In Nepal there is load-shedding these days, if I am not mistaken. You may make maximum use of wax candle of appropriate size... Experiment and enjoy! (Won’t you want to share your experiences with other fellis, you cunning chelis?)

34. “Nationwide stove-and-blouse closure.’ You financed by chowchow factories and eateries or fast-food-wallas ?

“Nationwide chulo-ra-cholo bandh (stove-and-blouse closure).” You have nexus with the Blue Diamond Society? You want all men to turn homosexual? I have heard that chances of bisexuality are very low. Who with you will sleep later, then?

35. Men won’t say “langauti-bandh”, however. They are ready to welcome you in their crotch. I assure you. Come soon and put off their G-string. Hurry up to feel the warmth of the groin fit with elastic horn!

36. You tried to compare yourselves with other rebel groups that have both vaginas and penises working together. Does a lock open without a key? You are lock, we have got key. You will never succeed alone.

So, you believe in negotiations also. Ha ha ha. Don’t joke. You have guts to come above-ground? If yes, I self-appoint myself from the side of the Nepal government and all fellow penises of Nepali diaspora to talk to you.

Common bebes! Eager to shake hands with you! (Not repeating Moriarty's dialogue. Because...you know why.)

Though not dishy like those blokes --old Wagle and older Dixit, both with grey hairs, of Kantipur and NepaliTimes-- I am virile enough to handle you. Again, I don’t drink everything and I don’t smoke everything. (Sounds redundant?) Anyways, I am a charitrawan chela! I am the only model negotiator to deal with you efficiently.

Didn’t you hear my fellows okaying me? Though self-appointed, look, I have authenticity now! (Otherwise, by hook or crook, I would win the polls. I didn’t submit my AK47 to the UN team, truly speaking.

Why would I? Without it, I am emasculated. My weapon is my vigour. It’s hung in my groin. Shhhh.... Moriarty may doubt my intentions. But that bald Martin won't say a thing...)

(A secret, I am divulging to you “Jhan Charitrahin Chelis” only: Once I met some of you in the Mau Samuha! A tall guy, blue eyes…Shhhh… others may hear it.)

Jaya Linga, Jaya Yoni

Jaya Purush, Jaya Nari

Hoping to meet you very soon,

KC, a Charitrawan Chela

Start!

Jhan Charitrahin chelis declarations made me start this blog.
Hope you will like it.

FEBRUARY 2007 DECLARATION of Jhan Charatraheen Cheli
(Courtesy: UWB. Thanks Dinesh and Uzzwal. I am putting this here without your permission.)

We, a hardline faction of the underground group, Charitraheen Chelis (Girls of Bad Character), have broken off and declared Nepali women autonomous.

Our breakaway faction, Jhan Charitraheen Cheli (Girls of Even Worse Character), roundly denounces the members of the original Charitraheen Cheli.

“The chelis of our mau-samuha (mother-group) did not behave badly enough,” says one member of the Jhan Charitraheen Cheli. “Most of them are happily married, with well brought-up children. Two chelis have a steady boyfriend– meaning, one each, not one in common! And the others don’t like men, or even women,” she complains. “For example, after the 2005 coup they called for a sex boycott till the reinstatement of democracy – but they forgot to call off the boycott after April 2006! We take this as a grave conspiracy,” she adds, explaining, “That is why we had to break away and start our own underground group.”

The first meeting of the Jhan Charitraheen Cheli took place in mid February
in a seedy bar in Kathmandu.

Our first agenda was to revisit the 40 points’ declaration made by our mau-samuha on March 4, 2005, through their official mouthpieces, Nepali Times and Kantipur, both edited by dishy men. We discovered that the 40 points are pretty damn good, especially Point No. 1, which asserts our right to take up agendas solely on the basis of our wishes and needs.

“That mau-samuha wasn’t all bad,” one member was heard admitting.

After re-passing our mau-samuha’s 40 points’ declaration, we progressed on to other, more timely matters. Our twelve-point declarations are as follows:

1. Make love, not regression! We declare that the sex boycott called by our mau-samuha in 2005 is comprehensively over, retroactive to April 2006, but only for those of the loktantrik persuasion.

2. Vision 50/50: No penises in Parliament! We demand that until 50 percent of seats in Parliament are reserved for women of diverse backgrounds, women of diverse backgrounds should occupy all 100 percent of Parliamentary seats. The same goes for all government bodies! 50 percent or bust!

3. Naturalize foreign jwais! One of our brave chelis has volunteered to sacrifice her independence (temporarily) to marry a foreign man, only to seek full naturalization and citizenship rights for bideshi jwais (foreign sons-in-law). Qualified candidates, please apply with CV, photo and statistics.

4. 40 is better than 33! We applaud the CPN(M) for filling 40 percent of their Parliamentary seats with women. But why not 50 percent?

5. And what’s with the grey coats? We’ve noticed Maoist women open their mouths only to repeat the same carefully rehearsed party-approved lines. Ladies, we invite you to release your individuality from the party’s command. Speak your minds freely. Unleash yourself from all uniformity. Start by getting rid of those awful coats.

6. Whipping is for brutes! Women of all political parties, Defy all whips placed by your party denying women’s rights. Do not sacrifice our rights for ‘more important’ agendas set by your party’s men. You know they will only betray us, yet again.

7. New leadership for the New Nepal! We nominate Ram Kumari Jhankri as the first President of Nepal.

8. Turn the National Women’s Commission into a constitutional body! But first, fill 50 percent of the positions in the Constitutional Council (which forms all constitutional bodies) with women. If not, fill all 100 percent of the positions with women. It’s 50 percent or bust!

9. Hello? OHCHR? How many years before a single case comes to trial? We demand that the case over Maina Sunwar’s torture and murder in military custody be seen through properly. The case was filed with the Police, and they have tried to contact the Army; but 16 letters later, there has been no reply. Perhaps Ambassador Moriarty has insights from his tour of army barracks? Maybe he could try getting the Army to respond?

10. Don’t forget what makes the world go around! We unanimously declare the sexiest man in Nepal to be Sunil Babu Pant of the Blue Diamond Society.

11. Donors, back off! All your projects and networks and alliances and seminars are keeping our best women too busy to lead the women’s movement. Back off! Their country needs them more than your country reports do.

12. Give it up, give it up, give it up! We demand that all our demands be met by March 8, International Women’s Day, or else we will declare a nationwide chulo-ra-cholo bandh (stove-and-blouse closure). That’s right, boys: No food, and no sex for you. Nada. Zip. Nothing. No joy till you capitulate.

In conclusion, we would like to declare that – following the example of other successful rebel groups before us – we are fully prepared to come above-ground to take part in negotiations, should the government invite us for talks.

Jaya Nari!
*The Jhan Charitraheen Chelis*